Same old, same old.
One day it’s “I’ll see you next summer for sure. We’ll work things out.” The next it’s “I wonder where they’ll send me next. I wonder if I’ll see you again.”
His uncertainty is helping me to let go. Honestly, what can I do anymore?
Thanks for you continued prayers and support!
I found a poem I wrote about him a few years ago. The melodramatic-ness of it makes me cringe which is why I don’t write poetry anymore. It’s a very accurate description of my feelings and experiences though. Anyway…here it is:
'Like waves rising and falling,
your sweet voice came,
over my heart and into my mind.
The incense stinging my eyes,
perfuming the air,
and mingling with your cologne.
You are right behind me,
in your black robe,
an antiphon coming from your lips.
You know it so well now,
which tone to sing in,
forming those sacred words.
When I want to feel you,
I touch the cross around my neck,
and it brings me to you.
I remember the vigil,
the candle warming my hands,
and trying to catch your eye.
In between those ornate vestments,
I see your face,
and you see mine.
I look away quickly,
because this isn’t the time,
for behavior like this.
I can’t help myself,
but all I think about is you,
when I should be listening to the priest.
I am being who I don’t want to be,
but then again,
why do you have to be so wonderful?
It’s all so intoxicating,
but sometimes it feels wrong,
what I’m doing.
I should be praying,
instead of dreaming of you,
and what we could be.
I should be talking to God,
Everyone else is in religious meditation,
and yes I am focused on the altar too,
but only because you are on it.’